tempoes:

everyone says “just get out and leave everything behind in the event of a house fire” like no fuck that shit im grabbing every electronic i can hold

satans-fabulous-blog:

morphingly:

brightredkettle:

are you the SAT because i’d do you for 3 hours and 45 minutes

with a ten minute break halfway through for snacks

That’s the most reasonable pick up line I’ve ever heard. You’re hired.

starksexual:

i was at the bus stop with my sister the other day and for no apparent reason, she says: ‘dude, there are more dead people in the world than living people’ and the woman standing beside me whispered ‘holy shit’ and i fucking lost it

just-exhale-love:

weonia:

Lmao

(via Beelog)

henryandhisbrain:

Dear Yahoo,

If you would like Tumblr users to like you, remove the post limit and word limit on messages.

If you place ads on our dash or charge for use every month, there will be a war. You have an army. We have a hulk.

Regards

Tumblr Users

harrysthefather:

the first person to witness someone die for the first time musta been like bro wake up 

ambitiousbard:

just be grateful that bing didn’t buy tumblr

imtakenwith:

thisisnotmyfairytaleendingg:

I seriously worship this girl.

Same she is awesome!!

You unfollow me because you’re afraid of falling in love with me, I know

lesbiansandthelivingdead:

sheisahopelessromantic:

marrymyface:

bisexual guys are assumed to be secretly gay

bisexual girls are assumed to be secretly straight

both are assumed to secretly like men

see what i’m getting at?

 #men in society: forever believing that the world revolves around their dicks #talk about egocentricism

Don’t forget that gay men are gay because they lacked a “strong male figure”. And lesbians either haven’t found the right man or are gay because of a guy.